Everywhere we look, there are allegations of sexual misconduct, some decades old and unverifiable -- but which are taken by the media as gospel because of contemporaneous comments to friends, co-workers, and others.
Given that some allegations may be the result of revenge or simply wanting 15-minutes on the world stage, sometimes it is better to apologize for alleged bad behavior to save your job and buy time to seek some form of legal redress.
Here is the Am I Next? guide to crafting an appropriate apology.
- Never speak to the media or admit any form of guilt without first speaking to your attorney and public relations counsel, in that order.
- Suggest to your employer a “suspension” while they conduct an “investigation” rather than resigning or being fired. Hint about lack of loyalty, wrongful termination, coverage under the company’s various insurance policies, etc. Suggest a settlement of your contract if one exists – making sure to waive any non-compete clauses or other onerous provisions.
- Suggest that because the allegations of behavior occurred in the past, you have little or no remembrance of the specifics or even that the event took place as described in the allegation.
- Craft a suitable apology.
Start positive by restating your position, credentials, of most notable achievement …
“In my <number> years in <profession>, I have prided myself on being an advocate for the working conditions and careers of the women with whom I have interacted.”
Acknowledge the allegations but avoid mention specific individuals or incidents …
“Nevertheless, in the past few days, allegations have surfaced about my behavior toward some former colleagues.
Acknowledge the accuser and apologize without adding an “if” clause to the apology …
“It is essential that these individuals know I hear them, understand their pain, and that I deeply apologize for my [unintentional and] inappropriate behavior.”
Extend your apology if appropriate …
“I’ve brought pain to my family, my friends, my children and their mother.”
Acknowledge your distress, pain, and suffering …
“I am greatly embarrassed and ashamed.”
Acknowledge your behavior, not specific acts and take responsibility while suggesting the inaccuracy of the allegations …
“ “I apologize to any woman who felt uncomfortable in my presence, and for any situation where I behaved inappropriately. Any behavior that makes a woman feel disrespected or uncomfortable is unacceptable.””
“I have behaved insensitively at times, and I accept responsibility my actions, although I do not believe that all of the reported allegations may be accurate.”
Provide a plausible excuse and an indication that you may have made an excusable mistake, possibly suggesting you may have been impaired or somewhat incapacitated at the time. Do not blame the culture of the moment nor excuse bad behavior by pointing to the bad behavior of others …
“I always felt that I was pursuing mutually shared feelings, even though I now realize I was grossly mistaken.”
Acknowledge that there is no remedy for your behavior when showing remorse …
“There are no words that can take back the way that I made others feel.”
Acknowledge any lessons learned and make yourself part of a “systemic” issue …
“I have learned a great deal as a result of these events, and I hope others will too. All of us, including me, are coming to a newer and deeper recognition of the pain caused by conduct in the past, and have come to a profound new respect for other individuals and their feelings.”
Promise things will change in the future …
“Everyone should feel safe at work and I am so very sorry that I made others feel uncomfortable. I will work harder to change my behavior to avoid misperceptions and to exhibit a more professional, non-ambiguous, comportment in the workplace.”
In extreme cases, recognize you have a problem and are seeking appropriate “medical treatment.” Do not name any treatment facility, especially those associated with “celebrity rehab …
"I recognize that I had a problem and am taking a leave of absence to seek medical treatment for my condition."
Close with finality …
“Again, I am deeply sorry for any action I may have taken in the past and to avoid further controversy and pain to innocent third-parties, this will be my last public statement on this matter.”